


You Are Not Alone

by Claudii85



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Catarina loss - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Isabelle Lightwood - Freeform, M/M, Magnus feels helpless, Minor Character(s), Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 08:37:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13360698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claudii85/pseuds/Claudii85
Summary: Magnus is in a conversation with Catarina when he spots Alec on the other side of the room. He smiles at his boyfriend but Alec doesn't smile back. Alec is leaning against the wall and he seems to have trouble breathing but no one else seems to notice.





	You Are Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> [Magnusismyrock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magnusismyrock) asked for Malec + Alec has anxiety and has a panic attack at a party. Magnus talks him down
> 
> (All I know about panic attack/anxiety comes from my personal experience and I know that not everyone feels and or deal with the same way.)
> 
> Enjoy your reading.

It’s Alec’s birthday party and there is people everywhere in the loft. Everyone is chatting happily, eating hors d'oeuvres and drinking champagne. Magnus is in a conversation with Catarina when he spots Alec on the other side of the room. He smiles at his boyfriend but Alec doesn’t smile back. Alec is leaning against the wall and he seems to have trouble breathing but no one else seems to notice.

Magnus excuses himself to Catarina and sprint to the other side where Alec is. Alec has his eyes closed and his breathing is shallow. Magnus is not one to panic easily but seeing Alec like that makes him feel helpless. Magnus knows his powers won’t do anything for what Alec has even if he doesn’t know what’s happening.

“Alec, Alexander, do you hear me? I’m gonna go get Catarina, just nod if you understand” says Magnus softly.

Alec nods.

“I promise I’ll be back in one minute.”

Magnus spot Catarina in the middle of the crowd and runs to her.

“I need you, it’s Alexander" whisper Magnus urgently, trying to not attract the attention of the people around them.

When Magnus comes back, tears are running down Alec’s face and he feels like crying himself. He takes a second to compose himself and takes Alec’s hands between his.

“Alec? I’m back and I’m with Catarina.”

“I think he’s having a panic attack,“ says Catarina as soon as she sees Alec, “bring him to your room and talk to him, make him relax by taking deep breath” instruct Catarina.

Magnus nods and puts his arm around Alec to support him and help him walk to their bedroom. Magnus close the door behind them and sit Alec on the bed. He kneels in front of Alec and take back his hands between his.

“Alec, I want you to listen to me, you’re gonna take deep breath and try to relax okay, deep breath. You can do it.”

“I-I ca-can’t Ma-Magnus, my heart, I’m dying” stutter Alec.

“Yes you can darling, come on take a deep breath, in and out, slowly. I know you can.”

“No, no I’m, my heart ache, I’m having a heart attack Magnus.”

“Darling,” Magnus say softly, “you’re not dying, you’re having a panic attack. Just continue to take deep breath, you’re gonna be okay. I’m not leaving you Alexander. Take deep breath and try to relax.”

Magnus knows he rambling but it’s all he feels he can do. He tries to get up from the floor and Alec grips his hands tighter.

“Don’t leave me” plead Alec, his voice shaky.

“I’m not, I promised you I would not leave you. I just want to sit next to you if it’s okay.”

Alec nods.

After a while Alec starts to breathe better but he still repeat that he feels like he’s having a heart attack and that he’s dying. Magnus continue to make him take deep breath until his heart rate feels normal again.

“Are you feeling better?”

“I’m tired” answers Alec, yawning.

“I can make everyone go if you want.”

“I can go back, this party is supposed to for me and I’m ruining it” says Alec, looking at his feet.

Magnus sighs. His Alexander, always trying to be brave and strong for everybody. Magnus wonder how many time Alec had to go through a panic attack alone and his heart aches. He unclapse his hands from Alec’s and takes him by the shoulder to make Alec look at him. Alec’s eyes are red and puffy from crying and he looks embarrassed. Magnus never saw Alec looking so small and vulnerable and he feels like crying too.

“You are not ruining anything, do you hear me?”

“But-“

“There is no ‘but’, Alec. You’re not going back. You’ve just experienced a panic attack and you’re tired, I’m not letting you go back.”

“Don’t, don’t tell anyone to go, I don’t want anyone to know what happened and they all seems to have fun.”

From the room you can faintly hear the music and people laughing.

“Can I just go tell your siblings or maybe your mother?”

“You can tell Izzy or Jace, but don’t tell my mom. It’s just, I know she was having a good time with Luke and I don’t want her to rush to my side.”

Magnus shakes his head, he can’t believe Alec.

“Please Magnus, just not my mom. Since the divorce with my dad, tonight is the first time I’ve really seen her smile, I want her to be happy.”

“Okay, I’ll go find Isabelle or Jace. You should go take a shower and change for bed if you feel good enough. If you don’t, you can just wait for me, I won’t be gone for long.”

“I love you Magnus, thank you.”

“I love you too,” answers Magnus, kissing the side of Alec’s head.

*

Magnus finds Isabelle easily, she’s talking to Maia, a glass of champagne in her hand, laughing to whatever Maia said.

“Magnus! Have you seen my brother? I’ve been searching for him everywhere” question Isabelle as soon as Magnus gets to her.

“Can I see you alone for a second?”

Isabelle excuses herself to Maia and follows Magnus in a corner of the loft that is almost empty.

“I was with Alexander” answers Magnus and Isabelle wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

In any other time Magnus would have laugh and let her believe what she wanted but not tonight.

“Your brother had a panic attack” answers Magnus seriously.

“What? Is he okay? What happened?”

“I don’t know what provoked it but I needed to let you know. If you see Jace you can tell him but Alec doesn’t want Maryse to know.”

Isabelle nods seriously and promise Magnus everything will be fine and she’ll take care of the guests. Magnus has never been more grateful for his friend than right now.

“Go back to my brother, go!”

Magnus smiles at Isabelle and tells her to go back to flirting with Maia.

*

Magnus pushes the door open slowly, trying to not make much noise in case Alec had fell asleep. Magnus walks in and Alec is laying on the bed in his pajamas. He has his hands behind his head but he’s awake.

“Hey, I’m back.”

Alec looks better now that he took a shower, his eyes are less puffy than they were earlier and he breathes normally. Magnus changes from his skinny jeans and satin shirt to a pair of sweatpants identical to the one Alec is wearing. He jumps in bed next to Alec and Alec removes of of his hand from behind his head to take Magnus’ hand and entwine their fingers.

Magnus took their joined hands and kiss Alec’s knuckles gently. They stays in silence for a long time, Magnus knows Alec will talk when he feels ready.

“I don’t know what happened" says Alec after a while.

“Is it the first time it happened?” asks Magnus quietly and Alec shakes his head.

“I was fine five minutes before and suddenly there was too many people around me, too much noises, everything was too much and I couldn’t breathe.”

“I was so scared" confess Magnus, “I’ve never seen you like that before.”

“I feel stupid, I can kill monsters and affront demons but I can’t stand fifty persons in a room, now pathetic is that?”

“You are not stupid Alexander, you are not pathetic. You are one of the bravest person I know.”

“It doesn’t happen too often now. A lot less than when I was younger.”  
The image of a young Alec suffering alone pop in his head and he want to scream.  
“How do you deal with it when you are alone?”

“I do nothing, I mean I hide somewhere, thinking I’m gonna die until it goes away.”

“I never want you to have to deal alone with this, do you understand me Alexander? I love you and I want to be there for you and help you the best I can.”

“Thank you.”

“Have you seek professional help to help you?”

“No. I’ve been thinking about it but I can’t, I don’t know. I’m scared.”

“I will help you, you don’t have to go through this alone.”

They fall silent and eventually Alec falls asleep, his head pillowed on Magnus chest. Magnus takes his phone from the bedside table and Google everything he can find about panic attack and anxiety disorder. He knows it won’t be easy and that there is no magical solutions to make Alec feel better. He made a promise to Alec and he won’t fail it.

Magnus kiss the top of Alec’s head and fall asleep almost immediately.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it. Comments and kudos are always welcome and appreciated xx


End file.
